I want to know what love is

Okay! So yes, this is a title to a song, but! What controls this feeling and what does it have to do with business. You do not go around telling everyone you love them, do you? However, understanding certain aspects will help everyone in their daily lives.

I asked the question of many friends and colleagues, what was most important to them.

Some said health, others money some said happiness but very few said, love.

Okay this is not a deep article on love, but it should be thought-provoking, I am hoping that it will have some effect on how you perceive things, that it will help if you feel the need to change certain thought processes.

How many times have you heard “you can’t make a leopard change its spots”, I hope you have, and I am not being silly? It is true, you cannot, but that is an appearance, as you can change its behaviour. Why we would want to I have no idea as the leopard is a wild animal and well it should be allowed just to be wild. Okay, that’s tangent number one let us get back on track.

Many of us do not love ourselves, we feel it is wrong, that this is being egotistical, vain, contrived. Think about it this way though. If you do not love yourself why not? How are you supposed to love others if you cannot love yourself?

It brings with it a series of issues, without this how are you supposed to be confident as you are always held back by what you see as your faults.

When we talk about faults we see in ourselves, ask yourself why we see fault in others? is it because we see these faults in ourselves and do not love ourselves because of them, or we feel we can be better and dwell on these things. We are who we are and should love ourselves for that.

Would you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree?

So, do we continually look at our own faults and pick fault in others. Would it not be so much better if we all got on and stopped picking at others?

When we talk about happiness, what is that? It is a feeling, different things make different people happy, but it is just a feeling. Health is a physical state, but often a mindful one! Illness of the mind is a dark place and one which often creeps up on those affected, often they see no way out. This article is not about or aimed at the state of mind felt within illness of the mind.

What we can say though is that like the fish, do not judge others, take time to stop before you say something. We often hear of putting your foot in it. Of ‘think before you speak’, I know I have been guilty of it, and I found that before I say something when I am feeling stressed, I stop! Count to 5, think about what I am about to say then if it is rational and not just coming from my agitation, I’ll say it.

There’s another article ‘Stress’ leave that one to another day.

If you have got this far and not yet stopped to think then may be the rest of this article is not for you, but if you are thinking then great, let’s move on to the limbic brain!

The limbic brain is the part involved in behavioural and emotional responses. It provides us with feelings, the parts we cannot quite describe. You will have heard the saying “It’s a gut feeling” or “It just does not feel right”. What do we really mean by this though, and what does it have to do with love?

Nothing! And everything!

The brain is a complex organ, well beyond comprehension. Studies still go on to understand how this marvel works. It is the reason we as a species are the way we are, our brain and the make up of it provide us with so much knowledge and understanding, feelings and learning.

Wow! It is amazing! The part which we use to analyse and make a decision is a very small part of the brain and does not hold much information a little like the goldfish (though I believe they do not have as short a memory as noted, so when you leave them in a small bowl, it must be torture for them – warning tangent again).

The limbic brain while it does not make decisions it provides other parts of the brain with feelings, emotions, memories which help us decide. You will have heard that most buying decisions are emotional. Have you ever purchased a new car, you have a model in mind of what you would like (an Aston Martin, but that’s for later) you visit the showroom and test drive the car you love it, you want it. If we stop and process what has just happened though. Is the purpose of each car not to get you from A to B. Of course, it must do this safely and, in most cases, economically. So, why this car?

What has made you decide to buy this beautiful expensive car when you could have one half the price. It is irrational really, isn’t it!

Hello, Mr Limbic brain you’ve done it again. Your emotions chose the car, you looked good in it, it felt right. You’ve pictured yourself driving around in it, you’ve seen how good you look in it. It is just an emotion though. Just as love is!

We do not choose who we fall in love with this just happens, you’ll have heard or maybe even said “I don’t know what she sees in him” or ““I don’t know what he sees in her” Is it our place to judge, nope! Remember the fish!

What is important though is that that it has nothing to do with us, it is down the individual and how they feel, we do not have control of this part of the brain, it is illogical at times as it is just feelings. It is these feelings that define who we are. We learn so much over our lifetime which is why as we get older, we appear so much wiser, wisdom has nothing to do with it. It is purely down to the experiences we have had and the memories which are stored.

Let’s get back to the car now and the emotions in buying this. If you could understand why people buy, then would not that make it so much easier for you to sell products or services.

It all comes back to ‘love’ if you cannot love yourself and accept you for you along with your faults, then you will always judge others by your faults. If they are doing the same, then they will struggle to buy from you. But! If you love yourself and it shows that you care about them, (you don’t have to love everyone that might be a bit creepy) that feeling will be apparent to them, they will believe in you and with that belief comes trust. The relationship is based on a feeling nothing more but isn’t it a great feeling.

So, I’ve Gotta Know What Love is… I know what it is and I love it, I love life, I love myself for who I am, which allows me to love others for who they are.

Don’t judge the fish by Its ability to climb the tree, otherwise it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid!

Authored by Stuart Davies (mobix ltd)